Let’s see if the troubled waters in Bermuda have settled down for our Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. Someone might end up swimming with the fish if they do not resolve their conflicts. Let us go back to enjoy the sights of this “Bermudiful” island!
Heather strategically invites Monica on a walk on the beach to chat about the night before. She lets her know that the topic of sex for her, and especially her kids, is off-limits. Monica now realizes she should not have gone there and must now produce another way to get camera time. Heather then inquires about who Monica thinks is behind the fake social media accounts. She infers that Meredith could have done it, but Monica is reluctant to believe that. Monica thinks this is her kind of behavior but would never send herself DMs. Side note: This scene kept me focused on Heather’s green hat/purse, which she was carrying and then plopped on her head. Is Heather’s hat a converted purse? Sorry, I digress.
Meredith gets a call from Seth and drones on about her situation, and I found myself lulled almost to sleep. She shares that everyone is ganging up on her. Meredith thought Lisa’s behavior was crazy. Seth tells Mer to ignore the questionable behavior and enjoy the beautiful island.
Whitney and Angie decide to play tennis to help with their aggression. Angie cannot hit the ball even when she pictures Mer’s face. She is blown away that Meredith is continuing to spread negative rumors about her. Whit cannot believe that Mer had cake with them after being verbally spanked at dinner. Who knows, that might be a turn-on for her, right, Seth? She wants to know why Heather came for Monica. Whitney is annoyed that Heather talked about her boudoir photoshoot in her Bad Mormon book. She claims that she is triggered by Heather’s comments in her book. She needs to know we all get “like” triggered by her baby talk infused with Valley Girl every episode.
Lisa has planned a trip for the ladies on a catamaran, which she defines as a super-sick strong boat, and production shades her lack of knowledge. Meredith specifically does not listen to what the itinerary is since she is wearing stilettos — on a boat. She must live in an alternate universe since she never is on the same page as the other ladies. Angie, whose glasses resemble a side view mirror, is wearing stilettos and a cover-up that looks like a rainbow-colored fish net. Does anyone know proper boat etiquette?
Whitney is giddy seeing that the boat has a stripper pole and cannot wait to mount it — wearing a skirt. She really is an attention whore and cannot stop herself from exploiting her vagina. Heather chats with Meredith, who feels like they are icing her out. She is surprised that Mer’s resting b*tch face has not shown any emotion when confronted about the rumors. Mer shares that Monica told her rumors on the plane from Palm Springs and suspiciously received the DMs herself. Heather looks perplexed and is not sure what to believe, but she must see that Jen Shah trained this newbie well.
Meredith pulls Monica aside while she is eating her tacos. Monica is now backpedaling about the mafia comments. She recalls they googled Greek mafia in Utah to see if it was a real thing. Meredith is telling Monica she is the one that was sharing this information. Lisa starts yelling for Meredith to stop lying and accept responsibility for her actions. Someone really pulled Lisa’s chain in this episode since she is behaving like an aggressive Chatty Cathy doll.
Angie then dives in to remind them she is a reputable businesswoman with a multi-million dollar business. Meredith then interjects that she does not want to be narrated — but someone needs to since she is stuck in silent mode. Whit tells Mer she engaged in this same pattern of behavior with her, and she needs to own it and it will go away. Meredith storms off, and I had to crack up since her purple wrap keeps blowing in the wind, and she keeps getting tangled up in it.
I then see Whit and Monica, who has just DRY SHAVED her legs in the van, jump in the ocean. Salty water and razor burn are painful! Meredith approaches Angie and wants to talk it out. She admits to calling Monica since she previously mentioned the content of the DMs. Angie is annoyed that Mer is calling her a fraud and suggesting she is some bada*s. Mer wants to reset until the next time her DMs trill and be pleasant to each other. She hilariously tells Heather and Lisa that Angie is taking a hit out on her, and I am glad she has woken up from her self-imposed coma.
Meredith shares with Lisa in the van that Brooks got signed with Ford Models. She mentions that Brooks told Mer to rely on Lisa since she is supportive. Monica is stewing watching these two former BFFs make nice. Whitney then shares that Justin has a nice nose for going down on her, and I just cannot with this twit. She then tries to elicit info from Heather, who has made it clear that she does not talk about her sex life or her kids. Whit wants to be empowered and not shamed when Heather shuts her down.
While getting ready for dinner, Monica is getting her makeup done. Whitney comes in and takes over the chair since she clearly needs it more. Monica is stewing that she must do damage control when Mer tries to shift the narrative. She clearly is trying to figure out her place in this group with the shifting alliances.
The ladies get all dressed up to go to dinner at a restaurant called Blu. We find out that Lisa takes the most selfies, and I thought it would be Whit for sure. Monica talks about having a migraine, and she is clearly trying to get sympathy from Mer. Heather shares that she was struck with facial paralysis when she was stressed out by her divorce, and production shadily shows her Costco pic. Monica calls Mer and Lisa out for their hypocrisy and cozying up in the van. Lisa thinks that she and Mer are like sisters, and they can move past stuff.
Meredith quickly pivots when Monica wants resolution, and she asks what everyone has planned for their summer. Heather shares her daughter is going to Florence, and she is living vicariously through her. Lisa gets emotional thinking about Jack leaving this summer to go on his mission. She is fearful that once he leaves, he will never want to live back at home again. Whit has decided to give Lisa some grace since she can clearly see Lisa does have emotions and has a legitimate reason to be sad.
Whitney wants to go to the oldest bar on the island — which we know will be a disaster. Angie stupidly wants to play a game, but then Heather’s book is brought up. Whitney, who shockingly can read, thought that Heather talked about her sexuality openly in her book. Heather reminds Whit that she read to her what was going to be published and took out a part about not wearing panties at Whit’s request. She reminds her that she was a boudoir photographer, and Whitney was a sexy model who hired her for photos. Whit needs to get her panties out of a wad– since this is utter nonsense that she is upset about this. I am upset as a viewer that I thought these two cousins found each other on 23andMe — not in a cheesy photo studio.
Heather tells Whit she sounds like an idiot making this an issue while stumbling over bar stools to run out of the bar. She calls Whitney drunk and crazy while she is running after her in the parking lot. Heather must run across the street to escape this fool, but production sprints across the street to chase Heather down. She is rude to the producer, who is paid to listen to this nonsense. Whitney thinks Heather is running from the truth, but Heather is trying to get out of earshot of that voice! Whitney must recognize she is the only one who is exploiting her vagina. The season finale is the next episode, so we will have to wait it out. Have a wonderful day, Blurbers, and hope you join me in Miami tonight!
TELL US — THOUGHTS ON THIS RHOSLC EPISODE?
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