On ‘Seinfeld,’ This Is Kramer’s Best Scheme

The Big Picture

• Seinfeld
  characters are self-absorbed and selfish, but Kramer is the most likable character with genuine curiosity and energetic schemes, from creating a brassiere for men called the “Mansierre” to installing a garbage disposal in his bathtub drain.
• In one episode, titled “The Pool Guy,” Kramer unintentionally becomes Mr. Moviefone and tries to help people find movie times, but his scheme falls apart and causes chaos, especially when Elaine catches on to his act.
• The Mr. Moviefone scheme is Kramer’s best scheme because it showcases Kramer’s innocent desire to help people. His range of emotions throughout the episode showcases Michael Richards’ talent as an actor.

Seinfeld is perhaps the greatest sitcom of all-time, but its characters are among the worst people you could ever encounter. Jerry (Jerry Seinfeld) is self-absorbed. He wants a life of comfort and goes through a girlfriend every week due to his ability to be annoyed by the slightest flaws. George Costanza (Jason Alexander) is even worse. His selfishness will cause him to lie and cheat to get his way, and he’s prone to fits of rage. Elaine Benes (Julia Louis-Dreyfus), the only woman in the group, is no better. She might be put upon by the idiot men in her life (looking at you, David Puddy), but she’s still her own insufferable person who thinks the world revolves around her.

Then there’s Cosmo Kramer (Michael Richards). If any of the four main characters on Seinfeld are likable as a person, it’s him. He has his own issues for sure, but he’s also the one with the most energy, a man with hopes and dreams and the action behind them, no matter how unattainable his goals might be. That curiosity has made Kramer the Seinfeld character who gets the most laughs. Every episode it seems he’s got a new plan or scheme that’s going to change his life. In one episode, Kramer comes up with his most hilarious scheme yet, one that shows us every range of both the character and the actor behind him. In under thirty minutes, we get to see Kramer go from joyful, to full of gusto, and when everything goes wrong, overcome by anxiety. It’s Kramer at his very best.

What Are Some of Kramer’s Best ‘Seinfeld’ Moments?

There is seldom any mean-spiritedness behind Kramer’s ideas. What he does, he does out of genuine curiosity, to make his life better, or even to make the lives of others better. In Season 9’s “The Merv Griffin Show,” he finds the set for the former talk show in the trash. He could leave it there, or he could take it out, put it together, and live his dreams of being a talk show host while interviewing his friends. Which do you think he chooses? Season 9 is filled with Kramer and his wacky schemes. That final year also had him putting a garbage disposal in his bathtub drain in “The Apology.” Why? So he could shower and cook at the same time, of course. In “The Buttershave,” Kramer discovers the joys of shaving with butter. He loves butter on his skin so much that he decides to sunbathe with it on. Alas, he falls asleep on the apartment building’s roof and cooks himself. And in “The Voice,” Kramer starts his own business, Kramerica Industries, with a college intern and everything. The goal is to make a bladder for oil tanks, before settling on the idea of mustard and ketchup in one bottle.

Kramer’s schemes go all the way back to the beginning. In Season 1’s “The Male Unbonding,” he dreams of a world where you can go to a pizza place and make your own pie. If that’s not good enough, he concocts a hypothetical invention in “The Stock Dip” where public bathrooms will have tie dispensers. The ideas keep coming throughout the seasons, from apartments with levels, car periscopes, cologne that smells like the beach, a coffee table book about coffee tables, and a brassiere for men called the Mansierre. Kramer’s best scheme, though, is not an idea he comes up with, but one he stumbles into by fate.

In Season 7 of ‘Seinfeld,’ Kramer Decides To Imitate the Moviefone Guy

In Season 7’s “The Pool Guy,” while Jerry’s plot revolves around him trying to get rid of an overly friendly pool boy who won’t leave him alone, George is in meltdown mode. Elaine has asked his fiancée, Susan (Heidi Swedberg), to go to lunch with her. This is too much for George, who wants to keep his relationship and his friends separate. It gets even worse when Susan suggests going to a movie with Jerry and Elaine. “Worlds are colliding!” he screams. It goes way over the line when George sees Susan at the diner with Jerry, Kramer, and Elaine. He’s never going to be able to get away from this woman he’s going to marry. There has to be an independent George, so he takes to eating alone at Reggie’s instead.

But it’s Kramer who has the best plot in this Seinfeld episode. He gets a new telephone number, but constantly keeps getting calls from strangers. His new number is 555-3455. Jerry figures out the problem: Kramer’s number is 555-FILK. That’s just one letter off from 555-FLIK, the number for Moviefone. Those of a certain age will know that long before the internet, where you can just search for movie times online, there were two ways of finding when a movie was playing. You either looked it up in a newspaper or called a service like Moviefone, where they’d tell you the showtimes of movies close to you. Moviefone was the most popular thanks to the distinct, friendly voice of Mr. Moviefone, who always answered, “Hello, and welcome to Moviefone!” People are dialing Kramer’s number by accident while looking for Moviefone. This makes poor Cosmo very anxious.

The next time we see Kramer, the anxiety is gone. When people call him by mistake, he decides to help them, looking up movies in the newspapers for the caller. As he says: “I got time.” It brings him joy. He has a big smile on his face, excited to talk to people and help them. While the other Seinfeld characters would be pissed, Kramer sees it as a great opportunity. He leans fully into his eccentric side that we love him so much for and decides to be Mr. Moviefone, answering his phone with the trademark greeting and doing a great impersonation of the voice. He even goes so far as to name sponsors and act out movie previews. What could go wrong?

Why Becoming Mr. Moviefone Is Kramer’s Best Scheme on ‘Seinfeld’

When Elaine calls, looking to find what movies are playing for the bad idea of them all going out with Susan, she gets the Mr. Moviefone spiel. “If you know the name of the movie you’d like to see, press 1,” Kramer says in the robotic Mr. Moviefone voice. A confused Elaine hears her friend’s voice and asks if it’s Kramer. “Elaine?” Kramer says. His confidence begins to turn into panic. Elaine goes with it, asking what time a certain movie starts. “I don’t know,” he says, his eyes wide, completely bewildered. The fantasy just got too real.

George disappears, his anger having gotten the best of him, so Jerry, Elaine, and Susan go to the movies without him. When George gets home and sees the note Elaine left, saying they were going to the movies, he calls (you guessed it) Moviefone to find out where they are. Kramer has regained his confidence, with the voice back on, but he hasn’t thought this through. When George presses 1 as prompted, Kramer then prompts him further, saying, “Using your touch tone keypad, enter the first three letters of the movie title now.” George does this, but then Kramer freezes. He has no idea what the caller wants to see. He can only start guessing. “You’ve selected…Agent Zero? If that’s correct, press 1.” When George does nothing, Kramer goes to the next movie in the newspaper. Still, nothing. The scheme is falling apart, but he tries to keep it together, saying as Mr. Moviefone, “Why don’t you just tell me the name of the movie you selected.” George tells him, and Kramer keeps going, his confidence back. “To find the theater nearest you, please enter your five-digit zip code now.” George does this and again fear crosses Kramer’s face. “Why don’t you just tell me where you wanna see the movie.”

When Kramer begins to read from the newspaper where the movie is playing, George hangs up before Kramer’s done naming all the showtimes. He goes to the theater, standing in front of the screen, angrily calling out to his friends, only to find out he’s in the wrong theater. We later see Jerry, Elaine, and Susan coming out of the movie, only to see a very irritated George being hauled out by security while he screams, “They’re killing independent George!” Kramer doesn’t come out unscathed either, as in the episode’s last scene he gets a knock at his door from the real Mr. Moviefone, who in that distinct voice says, “Hello, welcome to your worst nightmare… If you’d like to do this the easy way, open the door now, or select the number of seconds you’d like to wait before I break this door down.” This is Kramer’s best Seinfeld scheme because it’s so innocent. He’s not trying to get ahead or solve an unsolvable problem. He just wants to help people, it makes him happy, but he hasn’t thought it through. We then get to watch him run the full gamut of emotions, going from friendly, to excited, to over-the-top, to anxious and scared. That variety was always what Michael Richards did best.

Seinfeld is available to stream on Netflix in the U.S.

Watch on Netflix