While some might say Donald Trump‘s inauguration marked a somber day in U.S. history, The Daily Show‘s Jon Stewart had dick jokes aplenty.
The comedian and political host incised the D.C. affair with one-liners aimed at those in attendance (from their fashion choices to their general decision to show up at all), X owner Elon Musk’s odd/potentially terrifying salute and outgoing POTUS Joe Biden’s down-to-the-wire blanket pardon.
Regarding the peaceful transition of power, which began with Biden’s tea-time with Trump, Stewart quipped: “I’m not saying Biden should have done his own insurrection, but there’s gotta be a happy medium between storming the Capitol and ‘would you like a crumpet?’”
As for those present, Stewart marveled at the people who had previously denounced Trump — as a fascist and otherwise — who dropped by: “George Bush seemed kind of there — definitely high. Even Mike Pence showed up, I guess to let the crowd finish the job. Only Michelle Obama seemed to have the consistent ethical stance of saying, ‘When they go low, I stay the f— home.’”
Fashion statements were also made, giving Stewart an opportunity to lob a dig at Melania Trump’s innovative hat, which “doubled as an effective [barrier to Trump’s attempt to kiss her.] If you don’t control your borders…”
But perhaps the look of the evening was technocracy, as Stewart commented on the presence of billionaire CEOs Mark Zuckerberg (Meta), Tim Cook (Apple), Jeff Bezos (Amazon), Shou Zi Chew (TikTok), Sundar Pichai (Google) and Musk (Tesla) in seats that would have ordinarily gone to Democratic and Republican governors.
“Meanwhile, many dignitaries went not only hatless, but hairless,” he said. “With the plethora of stocky, bald billionaires who all seemed to go to the same bio-hack life-extension clinic and say ‘give me the Lex Luthor.’”
He joked, “The 6 guys who control maybe 20% of world’s wealth and a 100% of your nudes,” adding, “Shouldn’t this gathering be happening at a volcano’s lair near Zurich, or are we just open-source Illuminati now? Where’s the conspiracy fun in that?”
As for Musk’s gesture — already taking social media and outlets by storm, and which the Anti-Defamation League has defended as “awkward” and “not a Nazi salute” — Stewart said after rolling the clip: “Charitably, I’m going to say that was just an awkward, ‘my heart goes out to you’ gesture. F—ing nerve-wracking day, you’re not normally a public speaker, it’s a one-off gesture, please try not to use it again.”
Stewart then let the clip continue, featuring Musk’s repetition of the gesture with his back to the stage: “Son of a bitch! Really wanna make sure the people in the back see it, I guess. I’m just gonna be generous and say that was Elon’s attempt at dabbing on the haters? By the way, do people still dab on haters? Was that a very old man thing [to say]?”
While the torch was being passed to the “same generation of Americans,” Stewart joked about Trump not placing his hand on the Bible while being sworn in, “obviously because one or the other would burst into flames. Perhaps both.”
It was all a very kosher “normal transfer of power sh–” except Biden’s last-minute issuing of a blanket pardon of his family:
“First of all, Biden, you’re at the inauguration. Did you auto-schedule your pardons? And second of all, what the f— man? You’re just pardoning your whole family? It’s not a great look. Yeah, like any good captain, as the ship is going down, Biden gave the order: ‘That life boat is for my family! The rest of you can do just like a Jack and Rose thing, one on, one off, 50-50 shot, who gives a sh–?”
The ultimate takeaway of the day for Stewart was: “man who tried to overthrow the government has been peacefully handed the reigns of power and the outgoing president has started a new tradition of blanket pardoning everyone in his orbit — the two men creating a magnificent snake-sucking-its-own-dick cycle of no accountability.”
Watch the full segment below:
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