Surviving the apocalypse isn’t just about stockpiling canned beans or dodging zombies — it takes grit, guts, and a whole lot of luck.
Unfortunately, these TV characters are running on empty in all three departments.
Whether it’s their diva demands, inability to adapt, or just plain bad luck, these lovable (and not-so-lovable) folks wouldn’t make it to sundown in a world gone mad.
They’d either annoy their survival group, attract trouble with their over-the-top antics, or just plain trip over their own feet.
Sure, we love them in their respective shows, but let’s be real — they’d be the first ones voted off Apocalypse Island.
Let’s take a look at 15 TV characters who’d bring plenty of drama to the end of the world but not much else.
Jimmy Palmer — NCIS
Jimmy Palmer from NCIS might be a genius in the morgue, but in an apocalypse, he’d quickly find himself on the wrong side of the autopsy table.
Sure, his medical knowledge could be useful in a pinch, but Jimmy’s lack of survival instincts would make him easy prey for zombies or raiders.
His eternal optimism and trusting nature might lead him to team up with the wrong crowd — or, even worse, try reasoning with someone wielding a machete.
And even if Jess, Torres, or the rest of the NCIS team came to his rescue, Jimmy’s hesitation and need to do things “by the book” could get them all killed while he stood there analyzing the situation.
Flying by the seat of his pants? Not his style. Sorry, Jimmy, but lunchtime would probably be your last meal.
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Fran Fine — The Nanny
Fran Fine from The Nanny might be a style icon, but her designer heels and flashy wardrobe would be a one-way ticket to doom in the apocalypse.
Can you imagine her trying to outrun zombies in a leopard-print skirt — or running at all? Her nasal voice alone might attract trouble.
While she could charm her way into a safe group, her diva demands would wear thin in record time.
Fran’s street smarts might help her outwit a con artist, but surviving the apocalypse? Let’s just say her hairspray won’t stand a chance against an angry horde.
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Angela Norris — Landman
We’re still getting to know Angela Norris from Landman, but one thing’s already clear — she wouldn’t last two seconds in the apocalypse.
Without her cell phone to call Tommy for help (and let’s be real, would he even pick up if he could?), Angela would be completely lost.
Sure, she’s got the wardrobe and the charm, and she might try batting her eyelashes or flashing a little skin to score supplies, but when it comes to real survival? Forget it.
Angela thrives on luxury, control, and the high life — none of which exist in a post-apocalyptic wasteland.
When it comes to survival of the fittest, Angela is about as far from being the “fittest” as you can get.
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Harry Keshegian — The Equalizer
Harry Keshegian from The Equalizer is a master hacker and a whiz behind a keyboard, but in the apocalypse? His skill set would be about as useful as dial-up internet.
Without Wi-Fi, servers, or gadgets to crack into, Harry would be completely lost, fumbling through survival.
He’s not exactly the type to wield a weapon or build a shelter, and his snarky attitude would probably alienate him from any survival group.
Sure, if he somehow made it past the first sunset, he might try to set up communications — assuming anything useful survived — but let’s be real, we all know that’s not happening. Harry’s toast.
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Sarah Franklin — Matlock
Sarah Franklin might be an ambitious junior associate on Matlock, but in an apocalypse, she wouldn’t last a second.
Her reliance on technology would leave her totally lost once the Wi-Fi went down, and her micromanaging tendencies wouldn’t win her any fans in a world where survival — not strategy — is key.
Throw in her uptight nature, ultra-competitiveness, and the possibility of her getting distracted by a charming survivor, and it’s obvious Sarah wouldn’t make it past breakfast.
Sorry, Sarah, but this is one case you’re not cracking.
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Charlie Spring — Heartstopper
Charlie Spring from Heartbreaker has a heart of gold, but in an apocalypse, that’s not exactly a survival skill.
His sweet and empathetic nature might win over a few allies, but his anxiety and tendency to overthink would hold him back when split-second decisions are life or death.
Physical endurance? Not Charlie’s strong suit. And let’s face it, his quiet, introverted vibes wouldn’t intimidate anyone — or anything — on the hunt.
Charlie’s story would be heartbreakingly short in a world where quick thinking and grit are essential.
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Bohdi — Tulsa King
Bohdi’s laid-back attitude and stoner charm might make him a lovable sidekick on Tulsa King, but in an apocalypse, he’s zombie bait.
His knack for distribution and loyalty to Dwight might give him a temporary role in a barter economy, but his anxiety and lack of survival instincts would trip him up fast — literally.
You just know he’d panic at the worst moment, probably fumbling a weapon or trying to reason with a flesh-eater.
Without someone like Dwight to keep him safe, Bohdi wouldn’t see Day Two.
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Charles Hayden-Savage — Only Murders in the Building
Charles-Hayden Savage from Only Murders in the Building might be great at cracking murder mysteries, but the apocalypse doesn’t care who killed whom — it’s about staying alive.
His overthinking and awkward social skills would be major liabilities in a world where quick action and adaptability are everything.
Sure, we saw him step up to save Mabel on Only Murders in the Building Season 4 Episode 10, and maybe he’d tap into that side of him for a moment.
But let’s face it — Charles would spend too much time crafting the perfect survival plan, only to end up as zombie chow before step one.
His doom? Overplanning himself right into the grave.
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Claude Whelan — Slow Horses
Claude Whelan might be First Desk on Slow Horses, but in an apocalypse, his bureaucratic finesse and political games wouldn’t get him far.
He’d waste precious time trying to expose the last remnants of government secrets instead of focusing on survival — or worse, on actually helping others.
Used to the comfort of managerial roles and desk duty, Claude has zero field experience, leaving him completely out of his depth.
His obsession with structure and tendency to overanalyze would grind him to a halt when quick action is needed.
And without a team of operatives to bail him out (as if they’d bother), Claude wouldn’t survive long enough to hear the apocalypse’s final act.
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Rue Bennett — Euphoria
Rue Bennett’s sharp wit and knack for getting out of sticky situations on Euphoria might buy her a few hours in the apocalypse, but let’s be real — she wouldn’t last the day.
Her struggles with addiction and tendency to self-sabotage would put her at a huge disadvantage in a world where focus and resilience are everything.
Rue’s impulsive decisions and lack of survival instincts would quickly lead her into danger.
While she’s clever enough to hustle for resources, the apocalypse demands more than street smarts, and Rue’s chaos would catch up with her fast.
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Lucy Chen — The Rookie
Lucy Chen’s police training might seem like an advantage in the apocalypse, but her emotional tendencies and overthinking could spell trouble.
While she’s physically capable and great under structured pressure on The Rookie, the unpredictable nature of survival scenarios would throw her off.
Lucy’s strong moral compass and empathy — normally admirable traits — might cause her to hesitate when ruthless decisions are necessary.
Without Tim Bradford to push her out of her comfort zone, Lucy might struggle to adapt quickly enough, making her an easy target for both zombies and cutthroat survivors.
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Hope McCrea — Virgin River
Hope McCrea’s fiery personality and take-charge attitude might help her rally a community in Virgin River, but in the apocalypse? Not so much.
Her stubbornness and refusal to back down would have her butting heads with just about everyone, and her meddling would stir up unnecessary drama in any survival group.
Add in her health issues and limited stamina, and Hope wouldn’t stand a chance against the harsh realities of survival.
She’d probably spend her last moments trying to organize an apocalypse town hall.
And honestly, since she’s one of the most annoying characters on TV, we’re not exactly shedding tears when the apocalypse says, “Bye-bye, Hope.”
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Wilhelmina Slater — Ugly Betty
Wilhelmina Slater’s cutthroat ambition and impeccable style might have ruled the fashion world on Ugly Betty, but she’d be a walking disaster in an apocalypse.
High heels and designer gowns aren’t exactly practical for outrunning zombies or scavenging for supplies.
Her diva attitude and tendency to alienate everyone around her would make forming alliances impossible.
And let’s face it — Wilhelmina’s survival strategy would probably involve bribing a zombie with a Birkin bag.
She wouldn’t last long before realizing the apocalypse has no room for couture.
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Rosemary Coulter — When Calls the Heart
Rosemary Coulter’s dramatic flair and determination might make her the life of the party in Hope Valley on When Calls the Heart, but in the apocalypse, she’d be toast.
Her love for the finer things and knack for stirring up a little chaos would clash hard with survival’s grit and grime.
While she’s resourceful and can rally people, her tendency to micromanage and insist on doing things her way would lead to disaster.
Let’s be real: Rosemary would try to turn a bunker into a Broadway stage, complete with curtains and a spotlight.
The zombies? They’d give her a standing ovation — right before making her the star of their dinner show.
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Schmidt — New Girl
Schmidt from New Girl has an unnatural obsession with cleanliness and designer everything, which would make him a complete liability in the apocalypse.
Can you picture him trying to ration face creams or panicking over the lack of artisanal food?
While his charisma and determination might help him talk his way into a survival group, his over-the-top demands and inability to adapt to the dirt and chaos of post-apocalyptic life would get him booted — or eaten.
Schmidt wouldn’t even make it to sunset before realizing the apocalypse has no time for pocket squares or perfectly toasted bagels.
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Who Would You Bet on to Survive?
That wraps up our list of TV characters who’d be apocalypse dead weight — but hey, maybe we’re wrong, and one of them would surprise us (okay, probably not).
Who do you think would be the first to go, and who might actually pull off a survival miracle?
Let us know in the comments.
And while you’re at it, tell us who else you’d add to the list of characters who’d flunk the apocalypse!
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